Why can't we write honest query letters?

 Whether you're a beginner or seasoned, writing isn't for the weak. It takes a lot of time. A LOT. It takes self-educating yourself with the craft...and as far as I know...there aren't any shortcuts. And just when you think you've got it...a manuscript polished shiny as can be and wham...you're faced with the query letter.

I get why agents want a query. Really, I do. But there really could be a gem of a story hiding behind a hideous query that never gets seen. For real.

And the query has to be so damned professional and rigid. I like honesty. Could we just have honest queries? Sort of like....

Hey, agent, I googled agents searching for MG adventure novels and your name came up. Yeah, I'm querying all nineteen agents that popped up. I'm super glad you're one of them.

So anyway, my story is about this really lonely kid. His parents are totally not present and he needs a family. His parents also move a lot so he has this leaving friends issue going on. Now that he's at his aunt's house for the summer, he just wants to be left alone and mope about being lonely.

Guess whaaaat? No deal, his lucky rabbit foot gets stolen by a dog, he meets his neighbor, they see a fight in a cemetery between a guy and a creature they call Swampfoot. They get in a fight, but make up. They break into a house, but not in a bad way, they find a missing dog, they get caught and tied up, and set up to take the fall from this bunch of thieves who also steal pets and sell them.

They make a plan to find out who the leader of these bad guys are, and they manage it after some cool roadblocks. And guess what? Lonely boy has friends! He loves them and wants to stay with his aunt. The End.

I've had short stories published in kid magazines and won third place in a flash fiction contest.

Take a look, and let me know what you think. Also, if you could, if you don't like it, could you just please, please, please let me know how to make it better?

Thank you so, so much,

Sincerely and respectfully,

If that was a query, full of truth and honesty, they would be much easier to write. What do think?